The waiting place

First of all I want to let you know that within this blog I will probably reference children's books more frequently than adults, but hey you write what you know! Besides, I have found that there is so much wisdom that gets overlooked at first read in a child's book. As I read to my son now, I desperately want to embark all that adult knowledge and meaning a good story has. I have to pull myself back and remember that, that knowledge comes with experiences, ones that he needs the opportunity to well...experience for himself. Have I mentioned that I also have to remind myself that he's only 3...a lot.

Back to children's books and authors: Dr. Seuss is my all time favorite and naturally my first blog post references his, "Oh, The Places You'll Go" and more specifically his waiting place. What a beautiful illustration to a place the I have come to know so well...the waiting place. The place where you are sitting around waiting for life to happen. You have hope for the future to come, but you are just passively letting the present slip away until you are in a vicious cycle of waiting for something better. I am not normally a grass is greener on the other side kind of gal! I taught myself along time ago that if you want anything to be good in life you have to put in the work (water, weed, fertilize that lawn). However, the waiting place is tricky and made me start to yearn for something more, without even noticing what I had, let alone taking care of it!

When we first moved across country it was exciting and we literally had new adventures every week. My husband and I would take our son to the zoo, the ocean, boat rides, new cities, any and everything we could experience in our new adventureland. However, that's not real life, and soon the adventures slowed, as well as our finances. We had to settle into our new normal and thus began my visit to the waiting place. I sunk into a lonely waiting place, counting the days until my husband had another day off work. He worked afternoons and was gone a lot more then we had ever thought! I stayed inside and I anxiously waited for bedtime every night. This is the first time that my son and I had spent every, and I mean every, waking moment with each other! Bedtime became a reprieve. I waited around for people to call, or text, or check on me...like it was their responsibility. I even waited around for new friends, like magically another mom would knock on my door and say, "hey you look nice, want to drink coffee and let our kids eat junk?" Making friends as an adult is no joke and I seriously wish it were that easy! "Hi random lady with a child age 7 or below, I swear I am not a psychopath, would you like to be my best friend forever?" Yeah, let's just say I was stuck; no one was showing up at my door or so it seemed. 

It had been a few months of this self pitting, waiting place behavior, before God worked in my heart and reminded me of all the answered prayers I was living, but choosing to overlook. I was reminded that I prayed for my husband to get this new job, I prayed for this move for my family. I had asked to be able to stay at home with my little guy and now I was praying for bedtime!? I had begged for a quieter life, more family time and less hectic...Have you ever heard that saying, "I still remember praying for the things I have today?" Slap in the face; I was so ashamed! Not only did I overlook my greatest blessings, I stopped doing anything and I just waited for something better to come. I became my own self-fulfilling prophecy of misery and loneliness. Luckily, I "escaped all that waiting and staying! And [I've] found the bright places where boom bands are playing." And that is were I am today! I still have days where I struggle, but since taking a more active role in my happiness I am just that...happy!

I pray more. I thank God more. I smile more. I enjoy being a stay at home mom more. I enjoy the time I get with my husband more.  I put myself out there more, hence this blog...and now first blog post :)